自己

越是把自己伪装得越坚强的人，往往是最脆弱的
脚很痛，想要的不过是大家关心的一声
然而没有人那样做，我的心也痛了
渐渐地，也在怀疑自己。。。
或许我还是一个人最好。。。

This is what my tiny eyes saw

I went to a film screening yesterday. The film are shot by the media guy, Chou Z Lam.People will usually provide the background of one when they mentioned of one yet I am not going to do this. As I always know you guys can google it. (hiak hiak hiak)

This is not the first time for me seeing Mr Chou. The first time is in a talk which held by Chinese Institute and this time is held by SRC. He was talking of his experience in the media industry and also his concern of Bakun Dam. This time, he showed us the film he shot in Bakun Dam. His effort is really deserved our applaud and appreciate. As the government keeps ignoring the orang asli and now there is someone help them to express their voice and thought.

I am touching, from the bottom of my heart. The society, the minority always needs someone like Mr Chou, who willing to spend his whole life(perhaps) to let the people to understand them, and even the government.
Let's sincerely hope that one day, the government is willing to hear the orang asli's voice, but not hear the sound from money.

There was a Q & A session and Ms. Por has raised a question that make me think so long. Honestly, I have forgotten what exactly Ms Por asked and perhaps my thinking then has already out of the topic. And this is probably because of recently I was doing the news comparing and found all media, included alternative media also have their own agenda.

They hide/put no emphasize on some issues and put a magnifier on their favourite issues. I started to feel the uncomfortable environment a journalist will face in the real world. We are reading theory, textbook in the university. The media environment that we learned in our university is perhaps very ideal. We study media ethics and so on. We are shouting for media freedom in this ideal environment. Yet when we are going out from this protected environment, are we still shouting for it? or bury the thought deep inside our brain or under the material what we called money.

When we were dropped from the agency where we worked for, only we dare to shout it loud. This is what happening in this capitalism world. We will never say no to benefit when we were inside the industry, Haw Yeen told me today, even though if you were indeed zeal in changing the phenomenon, you worked hard and when you reached that level, you will probably changed your mind. This is true and an unchangeable truth. As long as there are money and people, you will never can change the media world. Poor people has nothing to lose thus they fight for their rights. Rich people scared their rights were threaten thus they use money to trample the poor people's rights.

I always think that the function of journalist is to report the truth and not giving any agenda or even angle. For me, angle is agenda. Angle is that you write or shoot something from some angle which means there is something you will probably highlight. Thus I dislike this style. You will say I am too straight but I can't stand the grey area.

I will not in this industry too long. Perhaps will only stay for three months during my internship or maybe I will change my mind in the future. Who knows?

As far, I see my direction. You will probably say I am a reporter but I believe I am more suitable for social movement. I do hope that I can join the team (Mr Chou's team). I will make it after I experienced all I wanted to then only I will spend my whole life in helping people who need to be empowered.

旅行札记

觉得，

每一次的旅行，总是更了解自己了

觉得，

每一次的旅行，总是更清楚自己的梦想

觉得，

每一次的旅行，也总是把我跟现实拉地更近

那一次，从跟风学长借的宥勝著《你，就是冒险王》一书，我看到一个跟自己颇为相应的字眼
书中说到的其中一个过客，旅行为追求那极致的孤独感
“孤独感”这看似寂寞却又壮丽的名词
我还是第一次看到原来有人旅行，就为寻得那孤独
然而，往后这个名词，竟因那一次的邂逅后，不断晃过我脑海
原来，那只不是一个书中的书写故事，它是一个生活
经过一次次的旅行，我，何尝不也是总在找寻孤独的机会
我想要独个儿起床，往外跑，看这片土地
我想要不理旅伴，不断往前走，寻找自己的视野地图
我想要摆开自己依赖别人的个性，做个自立自足的旅人
原来，我也在寻找，一个孤独的人生
原来，我也在追求，一个人的出走

这几天，通过一件小事，我看到了自己对他人的依赖

总是在高呼单身主义的我，却同时也在沉溺于依赖他人的池塘里

这几天，我在不同的三天里，遇到了三只不同的蟑螂，也就是我最害怕的生物

在人前，我示出自己的崩溃，自己的懦弱，自己的恐慌

喊之余，还是喊，加上快跑

在人后，一个人的我，遇上那蟑螂时，

喊之余，我还会把蟑螂赶走

我明白，一个人的生活，喊了还是得自己学会面对困境

我也总是沉醉在，很多人的生活里，喊了就指望身边人的援助

我知道，我总有长大的那一天，我总有蜕变的日子

然

我觊觎的自由天空，什么时候，我才能伸手即得

我垂涎的一个人之旅，什么时候，我成为唯一的指挥官

不再，不在，我的双掌之外

Keep the root...

Our former neighbour visited us last night. It is an Indian family. The only way for us, the two families to keep in touch is when the festive season come and we tend to visit each others' house every year. We went to their house during Deepavali and vice versa that they visit us during Chinese New Year even though we have moved out from Taman Andalas where we stayed previously.

Uncle Morgan, the father of the family is a nice old man ( who actually not looking old). He talked a lot to my brother last night, about politic. I hate politic. My hatred towards it can be seen through my selection of minoring Advertising instead of political science. However, I do love to listen political issues as an entertainment.

I feel pleasure too when listening people around me talk about politic. I, sometimes hate myself for being so dislike politic and so unfamiliar with the politic, especially Malaysia's politic, but I can't help. Thus when I know people around me are care of the politic of Malaysia, I am indeed happy for them. At least someone care for the country.

This is same to the conversation between Uncle Morgan and my brother. Uncle Morgan who as an Indian. felt the inequality of the races, in terms of any application from government, power to speak and so on. He was disappointed with the government and also care of the population of Chinese and Indian. He has even encouraged my sister and brother to get marry and give birth in order to increase the population of our root.

However, to the dismay, many people, especially Chinese, refuse to have more kids due to the financial burden and also their own freedom. They feel that their freedom is being tied after having kids.  Some, even do not want to get marry, to pursue their dream.

Many Chinese nowadays refuse to receive Chinese education. One of my Primary school classmate even said that he doesn't want to study Chinese. When every Chinese in our country holds this perception, will there any Chinese school or Chinese based organisation be conducted in our country? Is Chinese New Year will be celebrated in Malaysia anymore? The blood of Chinese is flowing in our body. The mind of Chinese we are having, though being modernized. We should always be proud of being a Chinese, and even be proud of being a Malaysian.

My brother told us that many Chinese intend to move oversea. They said Malaysia does not appreciate genius. However, they will never know how the foreign countries look at whom are moving to their country. Even though they are rich enough to move to their country yet they will only be the second class resident of the country, always.

I wonder, if this circumstance sustains and not get any improved, what will be happened to our Chinese community in the future.

Boy & Girl

Fortuitously, I witnessed an extremely comical circumstance when I was on my way to university for my first paper - IMC
There was a boy, who was cycling, hardly, exerting his utmost strength, leading back to Eastlake residential area
I passed by him
There was a girl, who sitting behind, relaxingly, looking and combing her not so extraordinary hair
This has constituted an intense contrast, so unbalance image
One was so tiring whilst another one was so relaxing
I assumed the girl as the boy's girlfriend
Can't just the girlfriend be more mindfulness and can't just she jump down from the bicycle and walk by herself, for just a little distance?

What if when I pointed at the girl and blaming her unsensible
At the end the boy will say: Don't you know? This is what we called ROMANTIC
You know what. I will throw a flying kick to you and laughing at your ignorance

我很平凡，我很重要

这个是昨天决赛的辩题
这个我，其实很平凡，但是我知道自己也可以很重要
每个人，就像钟表里的小小螺丝，看似渺小，其实扮演的角色很重。没有螺丝，钟表的内部怎样建设起来；内部没法构成，又谈何钟表的功能呢？
妈妈，这个角色，你说他平凡吗？对，她很平凡
满街都是妈妈啊
不是每一个妈妈都有大学毕业的文凭；不是每个妈妈都有一份优薪工作；不是每个妈妈都能操一口流利的英文，甚至是华文
但你说她不重要吗？
没有妈妈，何来的国家首相？
没有妈妈，何来的重要大臣？
没有妈妈，哪来的天才？
没有妈妈，哪来的我们呢？
所以你说妈妈平凡，我也说，妈妈很重要
我很平凡，我很重要
因为我只有一个我，没有平凡的我，又怎样凸显不平凡的你的重要性？
所以我很重要

人生旅途

Retrieved from http://www.mjjq.com/blog/archives/1934.html

一爬上车子之际，麻雀妈妈便说：你越来越黑了！
麻雀没有惊讶，亦没有懊恼（因为已经伤心过了）
麻雀刚从马六甲“飞行”归来，六点多吧，回到自己的鸟巢
这只麻雀归巢啦~
这一次的古城文化之旅，麻雀看到的，不止是挖到文化上的宝，麻雀亦看到未来人生的一线光
原本在心海里泛起丝丝涟漪的想法，就在回程的路上，在拥挤的电车包厢里，在与友人对于未来的谈话，竟激荡了起来
这一番的悸动，现在在麻雀的心里，还是如此的波涛，亦那么的汹涌
变黑了的事实，其实变成了麻雀踏出第一步脚印的心里准备
麻雀不再留恋白皙亮丽的外在包装，因为了解了其实外观是重要，然而不敌内涵、见闻的重要
麻雀在古城这个文化丰富的城市，看到了自己的目标
在这个地方，麻雀认识到爱旅游的新闻系前辈民宿老板
也在这个地方，麻雀看到音乐的独立性
更在这个地方，麻雀看到自己要的人生
麻雀看到，其实，自己想要看的更多、更广
麻雀确认，其实，自己想要飞得更远、更高
麻雀也看到，自己所会的，其实，真的很渺、很小
从朋友间的对谈，麻雀隐隐定下了自己的目标
自己想要走的路
也在这个对话中，麻雀认识了相识两年（准确来说，一年十个月）的朋友
第一次正式聊到了未来，聊到了家庭，聊到了梦想，聊到了理想，聊到了现实，聊到了见解
麻雀喜欢这样的谈话，也很珍惜这样的机缘
也第一次听到雯子对于生离如同死别的想法
其实，这个人生，无非是无常
能够让自己不后悔，就得把握当下
聊到了梦想，每个人都有一个梦想，麻雀的或许会很多，但最终的那一个就是自由
大家都有梦想，然而梦想往往是那么脆弱地被现实给粉碎了
明白大家背后，揹着的那个担子，而这个担子不能如搬运工人卸下米袋般的逃脱，这个担子是紧跟着的，也是紧随在责任之后
麻雀一直徘徊在这个梦想的三岔路
是要现实，还是要追梦
大家的选择，不一样
大家，选择了回归家庭、挑起这份责任
麻雀，选择了梦想，放下责任，放下情感
今晚的自己，想要写一封信给自己
谢谢雯子和祖哥
享受与你们的分享
开学后再来办一个这样的“谈话会”，我们才能更了解认识了一年又十个月的JR朋友们~

movie review

I have finished watching the movie which Mr. Wind recommended (from his facebook status).
It is a old movie which regarding the ancient rome and Christian in the old time.
It called " Quo Vadis". Frankly speaking, I have no idea what it means.
I got some inspiration from the movie, in term of the political perspective, not the religion view.
Undoubtedly, the Christian message brought out from the movie is strong and impressive.
I was touched by their belief. Yet it does not touch my heart, my thinking.
I would rather believe that our life is on our hand but not on our god or our religion.
Religion is a pillar of our mind but not dominating our life.
It is a way to make our life better.
I like the say that Buddha is a doctor who give us medicine (buddhist teaching) whereas we are the patient.
We are the one who decide whether to eat the medicine or not.
Thus it is always on our hand whether to change our life or not.
First thing first, i have better continue to my topic.
The GREATEST emperor of the past time are tyranny, can i say like that?
At least the Niro of Rome was.
It is funny when you see a leader burned his own land, his own country, his own people
In order to create a not beautiful art...
As we study, a country consists of law, leader and people.
Ridiculously, the leader dislike his people.
This is the ancient Rome.
Leaders nowadays LIKE their people so much
Presenting them sweet, giving them milo, buying them rice...
See, how they love us?
Is it we should appreciate the love from our authority?
Shall we be honour being in this era?
It leaves to you to think yourself.
I went for Teck Joo and group's presentation.
It has been so long that we(PC and I) did not study politic.
We went to their Political Philosphy class today.
We heard their presentation in the way that understand half and not understand half.
We do have question to ask yet we did not ask them
They were talking about the social liberty, freedom of speech
I was thinking, if it really apply to our country.
What will happen then?
Do our country suitable with the thought?
Is it applicable to our country?
I have no idea of the question as I did not ask in the class.
I will do some research first.
If you have any idea, kindly leave some.

Updated 6

I switched on my Little black in the early morning
I, initially want to start up my travel article.
Yet it ended up with I am blogging right now
I have also added some new elements to my eave
~Flashback~
I went for Mr. Leong and Miss Ho's talk yesterday.
I thought I will snoring yet no, same to Mr. Jool
The talk was impressive.
I agreed with Mr. Kuan.
Do we tend to oppose something because it came out from the government?
Perhaps we shall do something or preserve something which brings more benefits to the society
I learned something
To successful in creating a peaceful society, the most important is tolerate
We should not kept criticizing and complaining of something
Sometimes, we have to learn to tolerate.
When the people have learned to tolerate, then when will the government do?
Will the government tolerate with the people and listen to them? one day?
We do not know.
But I know the most important for the people now is to concern of our own society.
To concern of the minority, to concern of those who needed
To show our responsibility and our concern of being a Malaysian.
Do not stop your step
Step forward and do something for the society.
Do not "amok"!!!
By the way, another thing that I would like to mention
I saw him yesterday
Let's call him Mr. Wind

Mr. Jool labelled him as my idol
In my heart, i was murmuring :" cheh, you also admire him. You also read his blog everyday mah" hahaha...

So we got two Mr. Wind's fans here!!!hehe...

ok, I got to start working out with my assignment- the travel article
Our group is going to do about Malacca, the historical city
And also the hometown of our editor-in-chief, Tun Nigel.haha....