佛化的四月份

心里，愤愤起伏着
这是个怎么样的感觉
麻雀其实不知道怎么去诠释她
是感动，是激动，是感恩，是想要
这几天，麻雀过得太好了
不知道从哪赚来的福报显现
麻雀这个月内连续接触了三大传承的佛教师父/仁波切/喇嘛
现在说起，心还是愤愤地（这里的愤愤并非生气不平，而是心情很是激昂）
月头，麻雀飞去了在怡保办的明就仁波切的开心禅
那是麻雀平生第一次接触藏传佛教
也是那么一次发现禅修就是生活
无修就是一种禅修
也第一次听藏传佛教的仁波切开示，太幸运了
开心回来的一个星期多以后
佛学院的继兴法师也很慈悲地答应红老板的邀约到来金宝，给我们开示
那一天，法师也携带了踏遍各地旅游的杰尼菲到来跟我们分享她的经历
在场，很多人都很追崇杰尼菲的生活，但多少个人能够实践呢
麻雀我有能否从麻妈那里取得准证飞行？
上个星期日麻雀去了太平，在太平护法苑的Bhante Kumara到来金宝
再一次，我们请到了慈悲的Bhante Kumara到来为我们慈心日的筹委会和理事们开示
这一次，我是负责请Bhante的那个人
因此感受特别深刻
Bhante由原本的不能到后来的可以
对于这些我很是感动
也更确信了有愿就有力
到了这个星期二
由于是公共假期因此跟着朋友们到Tambun去探望了喇嘛赞巴（译名）
就这样度过了很法喜的假期
麻雀。。。或许。。喜欢这样的生活。。。

自己

越是把自己伪装得越坚强的人，往往是最脆弱的
脚很痛，想要的不过是大家关心的一声
然而没有人那样做，我的心也痛了
渐渐地，也在怀疑自己。。。
或许我还是一个人最好。。。

我家有娇妻

容俊年轻，他讥他
娇妻取得，他笑他
本是气氛和乐融融呀！

艳妻持闺，何须忌？
体贴能干，又积极
他人娇妻，毋须比？
回顾阿旦其实也胜之
唯独艳妻C4不允你

六月飞霜 笔

This is what my tiny eyes saw

I went to a film screening yesterday. The film are shot by the media guy, Chou Z Lam.People will usually provide the background of one when they mentioned of one yet I am not going to do this. As I always know you guys can google it. (hiak hiak hiak)

This is not the first time for me seeing Mr Chou. The first time is in a talk which held by Chinese Institute and this time is held by SRC. He was talking of his experience in the media industry and also his concern of Bakun Dam. This time, he showed us the film he shot in Bakun Dam. His effort is really deserved our applaud and appreciate. As the government keeps ignoring the orang asli and now there is someone help them to express their voice and thought.

I am touching, from the bottom of my heart. The society, the minority always needs someone like Mr Chou, who willing to spend his whole life(perhaps) to let the people to understand them, and even the government.
Let's sincerely hope that one day, the government is willing to hear the orang asli's voice, but not hear the sound from money.

There was a Q & A session and Ms. Por has raised a question that make me think so long. Honestly, I have forgotten what exactly Ms Por asked and perhaps my thinking then has already out of the topic. And this is probably because of recently I was doing the news comparing and found all media, included alternative media also have their own agenda.

They hide/put no emphasize on some issues and put a magnifier on their favourite issues. I started to feel the uncomfortable environment a journalist will face in the real world. We are reading theory, textbook in the university. The media environment that we learned in our university is perhaps very ideal. We study media ethics and so on. We are shouting for media freedom in this ideal environment. Yet when we are going out from this protected environment, are we still shouting for it? or bury the thought deep inside our brain or under the material what we called money.

When we were dropped from the agency where we worked for, only we dare to shout it loud. This is what happening in this capitalism world. We will never say no to benefit when we were inside the industry, Haw Yeen told me today, even though if you were indeed zeal in changing the phenomenon, you worked hard and when you reached that level, you will probably changed your mind. This is true and an unchangeable truth. As long as there are money and people, you will never can change the media world. Poor people has nothing to lose thus they fight for their rights. Rich people scared their rights were threaten thus they use money to trample the poor people's rights.

I always think that the function of journalist is to report the truth and not giving any agenda or even angle. For me, angle is agenda. Angle is that you write or shoot something from some angle which means there is something you will probably highlight. Thus I dislike this style. You will say I am too straight but I can't stand the grey area.

I will not in this industry too long. Perhaps will only stay for three months during my internship or maybe I will change my mind in the future. Who knows?

As far, I see my direction. You will probably say I am a reporter but I believe I am more suitable for social movement. I do hope that I can join the team (Mr Chou's team). I will make it after I experienced all I wanted to then only I will spend my whole life in helping people who need to be empowered.

我是一只爱面子的麻雀
我学不会动不动都向别人“称”苦
我学不会随便告诉别人自己的难处
除非是和我相熟的人

我是一只脸皮薄的麻雀
我学不会动不动就哭丧着脸投诉那投诉这 （除非事情太严重）
我学不会轻易道出自己的弱点，因为我知道我可以做得更好
我学不会向别人道出他人的弱点， 因为我自己还有进步的空间
除非你和我谈得很来

我是一只傻性子的麻雀
我学不会告诉你我有多忙
我学不会轻易拒绝别人的请求 （做到没有又是另一回事）
我有时甚至学不会什么是麻烦，什么是困苦
除非我们很熟识

但是当我发现自己被讲得很委屈时
我还是会觉得痛苦 不甘
因为你从来不了解别人的处境
就随便用那不屑的语气训人

我始终
是那只爱面子的麻雀
是那只脸皮薄的麻雀
是那只傻性子的麻雀

孤独者

Photo by Oh Chin Eng

夜晚，那么深

心情，也总是那么沉

也是，在这么深的夜里，灵感纷飞

也是，在那么沉的心里，特别脆弱

这个夜里，多少人醒着

这个静寂，又多少个人享受着

音乐回荡着，脑袋却空荡着

越夜精彩着，心情却空寂着

我这个多情的孤独者，想要自由却害怕寂寞

我这个孤独的多情者，追崇单身却那么轻易，陷入

不允许背叛 不容许脱轨 不轻易松懈 不准许遗忘

我那个渺小而伟大  轻狂而谨慎 认真而自大

的小小冀望

这个天空，载着多少梦想

这片土壤，盛着多少理想

话语回响着，脑袋却空置着

越爱深陷着，感情更空虚呢

夜晚，那么深

心情，更甚的那么沉

也是，在这么深的夜里，更是看清了自己

也是，在那么沉的心里，我变得更加坚强

Happy International Women's Day

It was the International Women's Day yesterday (which is about two hours ago when I blogging this). And it was the significant day of the oppositional party in Malaysia three years ago. And it also refers to a "Freedom Striving Day". I saw a news in Sinchew Daily (online) and there is an article regarding women in the Middle East countries who stand out to the street and fight for their freedom, from ladies dressed in T-shirt and jeans to ladies who in black Hijab.


I felt extremely touching when I saw the word of "hijab". I have always read that Muslim women are conservative and they are just obey to their husband. To them, freedom is nothing and perhaps impossible for them in their whole life. However, when I read this, I know women nowadays, are empowered.


Women are trying to stand up and saying that " We are actually capable and we have our right to decide our faith and even involve in the movement of transforming the world."


Women's right, is to enjoy the basic liberty like men enjoying. Everyone are equal and share the common perception and mindset, but not only all about men, in a country. I feel appreciated as the country that I stay does not have such restrictions.


Yet, to clarify, many women who chasing for women's right, mistaken the rights as to control men, to step them under women's feet. To ask them obeying to women. This is something that I strongly disagree with, though I am a lady (not woman yet), and I even despising it. This is no longer called women's right but women's arrogant. We shout for equality between man and woman, but those are practicing the contrary behaviour. Then what is equality?


I understand, in some ways, woman couldn't alike man, in terms of physical strength for example. However, in this technology booming era, everything can be overcame with just a "click" or in this civilize society, everything is not a problem with a brain.


Equality and freedom....Let us work together to accomplish a society with equality and freedom.
And it is time for me to get back in my assignment. All the best~

Sentence of the week

The sentence that impressed me a lot this week is not " Go fuck yourself with your atom boom" which I heard from Communication Law lecturer but " I know you guys don't like politics" from the lecturer of Politics and the Media.

It sounds sarcastic especially when words came from Mr. Kuan who showed us the website of "Lao Zha Bo" from Singapore later and said we like that kind of website than political's.

Although I know many students on the spot are actually enthusiastic in Politics yet at the same time, many people are sharing the mindset like what Mr. Kuan said. I could not admit that I chose to minor in Advertising because of my hatred toward politics and frightened of the evil face of the politicians. Yet I just can't deny that I have started falling in love with Politics, of course not involving but studying.

Nonetheless, the zeal still could not pull me out from the hatred of politics, especially the incident happened currently that made me questioning the trustworthiness of a politician. Yet as a professional journalist (to-be), I will not resist from taking any job that deal with politicians (such as interviewing them), and I will try my best to uphold the profession of a journalist.

"Jama" (Jamaluddin Ibrahim) has established an online radio channel which named "DurianFm.com". The concept of the radio channel is good which is to uphold the basic liberty of the people- Freedom of speech. As one who cherished for freedom, I am fully supporting him (that I have even purposely search for the radio channel website and click "like"). However, I sincerely hope that he can keep his concept straight. Freedom of speech doesn't mean to attacking government. It is about objectivity and telling the truth. It is pretty annoying if the media criticizing one just because to criticize but ignoring one's contributions. Then it is nothing different from the mainstream media which controlled by the ruling party. Then it is not more what we call it "Freedom of speech". Let's wish "DurianFm.com" to operate smoothly and successfully achieve their mission.

Let's sama-same upholding our basic liberty~

Freedom, long live~

无助

当你想要关心某人，但你却没有资格关心

无奈

当你想要照顾某人，但你却没有资格表示

无助

当你想要某人好， 但却说不出口，做不到

无奈

当你表示你的关心，某人却不会接受这个关心

再累，再忙，也是要吃东西啊

再辛苦，再麻烦，吃了东西，才有能量继续走下去

明明自己的健康都不好了，还要逞强，还不懂得照顾自己

麻雀，祝福你~ 等下可以来得及醒过来，过来吃个晚餐。。。。

Helpless

Is when you intended to concern of one      Yet you are not qualified to do so

Impotent

Is when you wanted to take care of one      Yet you could not do so

Helpless

Is when you wished one be good           Yet you are incapable to tell one

Impotent

          Is when you showed your solicitude          Yet one happen not to appreciate the caring

One has to eat    no matter how busy, how tired you are

One has to eat in order to live better   no matter how tired, how troublesome it is

I see you do not have a good health and healthy stomach but you are still do not know to care of yourself

I wish you.

旅行札记

觉得，

每一次的旅行，总是更了解自己了

觉得，

每一次的旅行，总是更清楚自己的梦想

觉得，

每一次的旅行，也总是把我跟现实拉地更近

那一次，从跟风学长借的宥勝著《你，就是冒险王》一书，我看到一个跟自己颇为相应的字眼
书中说到的其中一个过客，旅行为追求那极致的孤独感
“孤独感”这看似寂寞却又壮丽的名词
我还是第一次看到原来有人旅行，就为寻得那孤独
然而，往后这个名词，竟因那一次的邂逅后，不断晃过我脑海
原来，那只不是一个书中的书写故事，它是一个生活
经过一次次的旅行，我，何尝不也是总在找寻孤独的机会
我想要独个儿起床，往外跑，看这片土地
我想要不理旅伴，不断往前走，寻找自己的视野地图
我想要摆开自己依赖别人的个性，做个自立自足的旅人
原来，我也在寻找，一个孤独的人生
原来，我也在追求，一个人的出走

这几天，通过一件小事，我看到了自己对他人的依赖

总是在高呼单身主义的我，却同时也在沉溺于依赖他人的池塘里

这几天，我在不同的三天里，遇到了三只不同的蟑螂，也就是我最害怕的生物

在人前，我示出自己的崩溃，自己的懦弱，自己的恐慌

喊之余，还是喊，加上快跑

在人后，一个人的我，遇上那蟑螂时，

喊之余，我还会把蟑螂赶走

我明白，一个人的生活，喊了还是得自己学会面对困境

我也总是沉醉在，很多人的生活里，喊了就指望身边人的援助

我知道，我总有长大的那一天，我总有蜕变的日子

然

我觊觎的自由天空，什么时候，我才能伸手即得

我垂涎的一个人之旅，什么时候，我成为唯一的指挥官

不再，不在，我的双掌之外