To go or Not to go?

I got a facebook message yesterday from Xue Wen...when I almost closed my web browser.

She asked me, suang, want to go Taiwan or not?It is RM625, included air fare, luggage and meal.

Gosh!it is lovely. I have been wishing to go Taiwan for tour for ages.

RM625, excluded hotel, 3 meals in Taiwan, transportation. How much will it charge after add all this?some more, I guess I am going to do shopping restless.haha... Honestly, my heart was touched. I got the impulse to say YES to her immediately.

However, I did not. I should have plan the money to use since I am quite broke, every time.haha..(never be rich before and now) but it still attractive la~

HOW?Shall I go?or not?

I am going to give her answer today~~

I have been into a dilemma...To go or not to go?

Got money or not?haha...><

My morning in DARK

Again,I woke up in dark.

This is my lifestyle in Kampar. Wake up in the early morning before the Sun do.

This few days is the worst, I wake up around 3-4am almost everyday to study for my FINAL!!!

The house, supposed to be total still and quiet yet it is not in fact. My two housemates are still studying and facebook-ing since today will be their second paper. All the best for my housemates~

Besides, I woke up and realized that the people who sleeps beside has gone today. When I came down to downstair then saw her just came back home from MM...haha...people's lifestyle change during the examination period, from right to left, from up to down.

Sometimes, I am wondering how will it be to the students after ten years, or twenty years later,or even more? Honestly, student's life is terribly unhealthy. Stick to the laptop(watching drama series, facebook-ing, blogging,etc) the whole night nonstop, hang out with other unhealthy students in mamak(the only place students can go, I meant Kampar Utarians) and what else?perhaps talking in Westlake, or cycling in Westlake, this is the phenomena in Kampar, am I suppose to proud of it?haha...

I guess youngsters in nowadays grow old faster and quick. Not more than twenty years, you will see the increasing of "old-looked" people on the street, playing basketball or doing shopping. Wakaka...this are just exaggerated but surely is people will become weak and no longer as healthy as people in old times though we have extremely high technology or well developed medical.

Okay, the break is over, I should have continued my study for Business and E-commerce. Frankly, my mind always popped out with a question this few days while I was studying BEC. Is it related to Journalism???Shall I sell clothes beside my news article in the future if I worked as an online journalist?I do not want to study it la,it are so many terms to memorize and so many to study!!!!

Sigh..back to the reality, I still have to stop blogging and study.

Aza aza fighting!

A Special to cheer

Frankly, I am too lazy to drop here a post in the beginning yet I decided to at last. Why?As I think today is worth for me to blog in order to bear it in my mind.

Today is May, 3rd 2010. Nothing special about it what. Labours' Day has passed, no holiday somemore now is in the examination period. Mothers' Day is not here yet, supposed be next Sunday I think. However, it is special for people who concerned about the newspaper, the TV reporting, radio, the media. It is World Press Freedom Day. And the day Malaysia was stated as the 141th as the no press freedom country among 196 countries (Freedom House, 2010). (haha...Malaysia do better that it moved upward two steps to 141th than 143th last year)

When only Malaysia be a total expression and speech free country?

I saw a report in Malaysiakini.com today. Its topic as Press freedom: Return of 'Mahathirism'? I was so interested in this article and so eager to click in to see. It is one of the scope of my Communication Theories paper and in addition I do like this topic. Disappointedly, it appeared with this page.

So sad I am not its subscriber.

I have made my decision

I feel so SAD la....after got the result of the election.

I was there. I felt the atmosphere there. I know the feeling of the people, the Chinese in Ulu Selangor. And now, I can feel the feeling of them as well!!!

The one who really impressed me is the Chinese hawker in the Ulu Yam's pasar who sells fried noodles.

I can feel his hot blood. He is so that concern of our country's status. Concerning of our welfare, our living. Yet, me as the journalist(in the future), what am I doing here?I kept waving the flag which wrote "Politic is none of my business" while others are fighting for their own right, benefits.

He changed my mindset. He is the one make me decided to vote in the next election. I will stand up and fight for myself.

The media is manipulated. However, I still have my right to choose my own government!(guess so)

Ulu Selangor II

Yuuhuu~ all dear, I am now back to Kampar where told I have to face the reality--FINAL!!!!

The 2 days 2 night Ulu Selangor trip is officially declared to end. I reached here around 1pm i think, and our senior driver treated us in Brown Secret for lunch. I would want to thank her, for the chicken rice in KKB, for the Loh Mee in Ulu Yam Bharu, as well as for Mamak style hor fun in Kampar. I understand that she wanted to treat us as an appreciation yet I think this is unnecessary indeed. We are all "poor" and no income students mah...in addition, she has already paid for the petrol, tolls and other trivial payment. Plus, we did got things from you, ok, for others, I'm not sure but for me, I have learnt a lot from the trip. I know who is Nik Aziz. I heard Lim Guan Eng's speech but regretted not Lim Kit Siang's. I saw Selangor Khalid. I saw the ugliest face of the politicians and the people. I did learn a lot from this lesson.

Thank you, Kwan Yee.

I agreed with what Ah Eng said today. "Politics is an art of cheating manipulating"(Oh Chin Eng, 2010). Yeah, definitely, it is an art, art of the social. Advertising is an art as well, towards beautiful yet politics science is art more to ugly face...haha...I am glad that I make my choice to choose Advertising. And this few days, it prove me that I did not make a wrong decision.

The first day we reached Ulu Yam, it was already 10 or 11 pm. We did not do anything, just to settle down our belongings. Kwan Yee checked the schedule the next day and planned our owned. We slept in Eling's room that night, no..i mean all nights in Ulu Yam. And the air condition is really cool until I can wake up at night because it is too cold.

The next day which was 23/04, we woke up at 7.30 in the morning. Eling's mum bought us nasi lemak as our breakfast. It is tasty la...Honestly, I love nasi lemak so much, with lot of sambal.

We went to the pasar nearby Eling's house that day. It was our first stop. I started with an old uncle. He didn't spoil my mood and enthusiasm. I managed to complete my first survey which gave me quite a great confidence.

I met a Chinese hawker there who impressed him. He is the first one I met in Hulu Yam who talk about Malaysiakini to me. He has plump body and funny smile. He is humorous and so cute. The way he answered was so official and formal, like an interview. He successfully changed my mindset towards people in Ulu Selangor, and towards politics. He reminded me that politics is actually so that important for us. Yet, young people nowadays don't even bother who actually is the government. Obviously, I am one of them. As long as I can do what I want, I can eat what I like, I can watch movie I like, I can do shopping whenever I can. I live with no worries, then it is alright for me. Who care of the government?Who care of the politics?

This man changed my mindset. I was so naive, I realized. Yet I guessed I am still not too late to wake up.

With a heartful and "stomachful" of encouragement, we headed to our next destination, Media Centre in Kuala Kubu Bahru. Errmmm...Media Centre. Before to here, I thought it must be somewhere quite high class and full of reporters inside. We spent a long time and long way to get there. Well, it is all reporters inside, yet talk about high class,it is totally out of my imagination...haha...

After having a round of survey in the pekan, we went to have our lunch in a hawker stall. There was a mobile A & W. Since when i have not eaten A&W.

We ate chicken rice which treated by Kwan Yee. We did some survey in the place as well and here I met something that increase my hatred toward politics. I met two Chinese uncle in the stall and I decided to give them do survey. Both of them told me do not talk to them if it is something regarding politics. They also said that politics ah, is not poor people's things but only for wealthy people. Alright, they might be right and I just said thank you to them and wanted to leave. One of them stopped me and asked me where I from (which university). I told him I am student from UTAR. Meanwhile, he said," Oh, then you represent MCA la!!" "No No No,I am here to do research but not represent any party." I explained. "Aiya, still MCA la...tell you ah, MCA is useless!!No talented people already!Even people who play ladies also can be the leader!"

the uncle continued with anger, " MCA really useless."

Well, I felt so uncomfortable that time. Especially they talked that in a way of loudly voice, almost shouting. I simply smile to them and walked away.

I saw another woman after this and asked her if I can do a survey with her. She asked me to ask her outside of the shop and told me then that the two uncle are actually member from MCA!!!

I felt so frustrated and frightening. This should not have happened among Chinese. This enhance my scary feeling towards Politics!!!

Just think, if I agreed with them and talked together with them, the consequence is unimaginable! Everyone are devil in the field of politics. Luckily, I don't really know politics!

At the same day, we went for Najib, our prime minister in the afternoon. The atmosphere was so exaggerate when I saw many people wearing 1 Malaysia t-shirt and screaming it to our PM. It is really funny to see the scene. Auntie were all waiting for our PM, like waiting for a super star. Funny!

That night, we went for PKR's speech. You can see the speech very funny and sarcastic. Their used words are so sensitive and all pointed to BN.

That's all for the first day in Hulu Selangor.

Days in Hulu Yam I

Wow...I'm terribly physically tired and mentally frightening after this few days' research.This told me that Final Year Project is not funny at all!!!!It somehow dangerous as well!!!

Well...I am now in Ulu Selangor, where I have never been here before. Now, I am in this place, during the election period. Not travelling, but being an assistant for my senior, Kow jie's FYP.

I didn't take much time, not even a single minute to say yes when she asked me to go with her. This same to Teck Joo as well. If not, I will not be able to type my blog now, at this place (Eling's house).

I saw many politicians this few days thou with not excited feeling yet think that I should have seen this people since my IC is stated as Malaysian. I saw our Prime Minister, Najib. I saw the candidate for this election. I saw Nib Aziz. And others. And I am going to see Anwar tonight. However, I am more willing to see Dr. Mahathir la...

I will update more tomorrow when I get back to Kampar...

suang

8.34pm

24/04/10

Morning in dark

Good morning guys, good morning the earth~

Since after the request for my blog by my lovely fisha few days ago, I decided to re-start updating my blog, finally. I should have given play to my potential of becoming journalist in the future. wahaha...

As usual,i woke up early.Everyday,i manage to see the world,from dark to bright, from bright turn into dark. This makes me feel like so full of energy, like i did not waste my time with eyes closing on the bed.

It seems to be another good and fresh morning today, again. I can feel the cooling air and the sound of birds whispering around, like greeting with me. Kampar's morning always be so peace and still. Students wake up really really late lah, unless those who going for classes. Otherwise, you barely see any young people in the morning, it is like a dead taman.(haha...)

Final is coming on sooner and sooner, therefore the hardworking suang decided to start working out lo~~Yet, it is not easy lar...i cant really concentrate in studying. I can't help dozing off whenever I started to read on my notes. The most thing is my final start from next Saturday, earlier than other else.

Talk about weekend, this weekend might be a travelling one, and adventurous(don't really think so) one. Yeah, I am going to Hulu Selangor this evening after my last Comm Theory tutorial class, the last class taught by my respectable teacher, Ms. Mok. Ms. Mok is going to leave UTAR and to other place. Heard that she got another better offer. Here, I sincerely wish Ms. Mok can have a better and great future, in terms of her career, her relationship(as she told us she is going to marry therefore she leaves UTAR) and so on and so off.

Back to the topic, yeah, going to Hulu Selangor later, to watch a series of by-election Malaysia local drama for three days. Frankly speaking, I don't really know anything regarding the election, I can say that I don't like it, I don't like politics. I know it is important, especially in Journalism field. However, in my sense, it is dirty, it is dark, it is evil, once you touch it, your life is dangerous. It is really so miraculous that I accepted this offer to go Hulu Selangor.

Kwan Yee ah Kwan Yee, you should have thank me for promising you. Though I dislike politics, but I will try to learn it in order to survive in the future(kaka...).Thus, gonna take this opportunity to learn the politic world.

A great news I found out today. My pets are growing...they are blooming in this very good morning. They are pinkish and awesomely cute lar~~love it so much...

Oopps...i guess you don't really what am i talking about right?hehe...my new pets are flowers!!I got them from an auntie yesterday. She is kind of generous and amiable. For me, I have no idea who they are, what supposed to call them but I heard Haw Yeen the professor of eastlake told me that they are sunflower. This has made me remember what auntie told me yesterday. She said those flowers can live as long as there is sunlight.So i guess i can call them little sunflower.

Love them so much because i have put my heart, my sweat into them la...I remove the weeds under the big sun in order to plant my little sunflower. It is uneasy to plant something i guess. You have to care for them, should responsible to them, but not merely saying only.

Arrh...I have forgotten to water them this morning. So see you next time.

suang.

22/4/10

9.15am

p/s: i am late to upload my post due to the lack of my home line...

Thinking~

I should have updated my dearly blog more frequently, I know this, especially during my big day at 18th January, somemore this is the day I turned to adult. Yeah, I know I should have yet I did not...I was too lazy...I was too lazy to type single of words, couple of sentences. I was lazy, always...thus how to become a journalist then?><
This few days, I have been searching some info regarding Cupcake Chic for the assignment of Media Planning. It was so coincidence that my bestie bought me cupcake for my birthday cake then i got this question afterward. Gosh, I think I am addicted with those tiny little cupcakes especially cupcakes under Valentine's theme promotion. They are so that awesome and sweet. How I wish to get such Valentine's Day gift yet the question is when?I have no idea.

For your information, I have tried them once during my bigday. I was not really like them in fact due to the oversweeten of the cupcakes. Nevertheless, as you know, girls like beautiful stuffs. Girls usually care of the surface but not the quality. They are willing to suffer to be looked good. Same in this circumstance, I was addicted with the cupcake, not their taste but their outward appearance. How? I am the typical girl mah...no choices for me...^^

Daisy Cupcake & Rosy Cupcake

Present from Buddha

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Time flies so fast that i deserve to have a golden key which leads my path toward freedom. After today, I am not more a 20-year-old girl but a truly 21 lady. Soon, I can change my IC.

Tomorrow is my birthday, a lovely day which also means a tough day to my mother. Thank you, mum, for bringing me to this world, for giving me birth, for feeding me to this age, for caring me. I might not always be with you but i do taking good care of myself, the life you had given 21 years ago.

This year, 2010 the new year, I have received my first present, from the respectable Buddha. Buddha brought me into his palm, into his care. I could smell his warm and sweet wish, hug and encouragement. I love this present, indeed.

Due to certain elements(something we called it fate i think), I became the facilitator of the Buddhist camp. Well. It is ridiculous, I have not been to a Buddhist camp for years after Standard 5 and now I am the facilitator who played heavy character in a team. Yet, i decided to learn, to jump over the line in order to make myself grow, make myself better.

However, I was regret before going back to Kampar(8/1/10). I kept asking myself: why you are so silly? Why dont you just simply stay at home while others did? Can I skip this time as well? Nevertheless, I did not skip. I insisted to come back because of the word,responsibility. I should not put ah tiong aeroplane since i hate others put me aeroplane.

Then I stayed at a laughly friend's house, Shi Li. She is a really nice, loving, generous, warm people. I knew her when we went to Hai Chao Hui together but we have never kept in touch after all. Now, it is an opportunity for us to gather, to become better friend. She is my first present of 2010. She introduced her friend to me whose name is Hui Na. She is from Accounting so that i guessed she must be coursemate of Winnie, zing and andrew. So, Hui Na was my second birthday present from Shi Li.

The next day, we went to Kwan Yee's house, to gather and to start the camp. Havine futharing there which was conducted by Xiao Zhang, a senior from UM. He is so warm and caring. He made me feel the courage and brave to share my life. A story that i thought I have put down but I did not in fact. I felt the warm teardrop, thou i tried to calm it down. I cried in front of some people who I met for first time. It was so embarassing and I began to think the way I shall face them next time. Yet, soon, I found that my worries are so superficial. I did not feel the sympathy from them but the feeling i got from them is friendly and trustworthy. Then I think, I might be having a new gang of faithful friends in the future.

We shared a happy and unforgettable moment, staying in Kinta Buddhist hous 近打佛学会(sorry that i do not know to spell it in english). Our friendship become harder and deeper after the camp. I have learned a lot. I learned Buddhist teachings. I learned to speak wisely. I learned to communicate well. I learned to work in team. I learned to massage and still not well learned. Also, I made friends there, heart to heart. Thus, the third present i got are the experiences they shared, the knowledge and a bundle of new friends.

We went back to Shi Li's house at 11/01 after the camp.This time, no more awkward but nature. We back to camp the next timebut it was in Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuaty, Taiping this time. I love this place so hard. It is on a hill where the bus could not climb up but we have to walk and change to take jeep. I love its nature. I love the smell of forest. I love the night view of Taiping. I love the star when i stood at Sasanarakkha soil. I love it.

Without admit, it is a tiring camp. We have to take care of the campers, we got to have meeting in the deep silent night when the campers fell in sleep. We have got to do powerpoint until 2am. We must wake up at 6am. It is thoroughly tiring, in term of mental and physical. Yet, I enjoyed it. I like to talk to the campers, to take care of them. I like the feeling of bersatupadu especially when all of us helped to wash the dining room after meals. It is helping in building a friendship.

I like the session of talking to the bhante there, especially Bhante Kumara. The first session, my group met Bhante Agacitta who can only speak english. He looked kind and wise, and i know he is a wise man. My heart was excited when i saw him walking slowly and calm into Sala Hall. This is the first time i participate in this activity. Unfortunately, i was too tired and i felt sleepy when Bhante answering questions. (haha..)Then the second Bhante we met was Bhante Kumara the next day. He is slightly different compared to Bhante Agacitta. Bhante Kumara looks younger, little energertic than Bhante Agacitta and he is handsome actually.(amituofo,sorry for my rudeness) The most important is Bhante Kumara can speak chinese. So this session was conducted in mandarin. I asked him question and i learned from his answer as well. I like this session. It was a hard opportunity to come by for us, rarely or even never. I feel lucky that I am still fortunate enough to meet this chance. Then, i received the advice from Bhante Kumara. I took it as my forth present.

Besides, I have also got a "golden sentence" from Venerable Kai Ken. The sentence is wider heart then the world will be wide. It is so suitable to me. So this is my fifth present of this year.

I came back to Kampar yesterday(16/01). My eight-day-long camp ended at last. It is so hard to leave there and to say good bye to my friends. Though the camp has ended, I know the fate never end. The fate make us meet. It will also make us gather one day. Fate will never leave as it is the sixth present from Buddha, a wholelife present. Thank you Buddha!!!!

After a long still night

I have been thinking many this few days in the silent,sleepless night.
The night seems extra dark and deep, particular still yet full of chaos.The horrible loneliness soon covered the world.

I do not want to think,i kept telling my mind:Girl,shut off the mind operation,SLEEP now!!!
However,whenever i told myself this,the more those graphics,images,sentences flew into my brain...loads loads and loads of them, make me stifle until couldnt sleep,dont even want to close my eyes then. I do not want to flashback some bad memory but they kept coming to me continuosly. Nonstop, the images change one following by one another.

Honestly, I dont like myself sometimes. I hate myself why I am not as pretty as Michelle Lee Jia Xin. I hate myself why I dont have a perfect bodyline like Lee Hyori. Why I am not as tall as the models on the stage instead of being a 159cm girl? I hate myself why people dont gain weight although they ate loads but I do even if I just have a cup of plain water.

I give up some eating habits. I give up bread which i love it so much in order to avoid from the carbohydrate. I stop eating rice as it caused people fat. ( I still love sweet stuffs thou,haha...) I went to exercise everyday, cycling and playing badminton, as well as jogging. Well, it is really work for me that i did look throwing out weight. Yet, so what? I just simply putting those weight back when i didnt exercise. Why all those hardworks can be so easily replacable?

Nevertheless, I still confident with myself, used to. I know I am not pretty enough, not slim enough but I think I am still attractive then(hoho). I believe I able to attract people who I like, who like me myself, the truly me, but not the packaging me. And, ridiculously, i thought I found it, not once, but some.

Now, no...no more. I started to losing my own standpoint of view. I know, people in this world like beautiful things. People see beautiful views, buy beautiful stuffs, live in beautiful house. Everyone wants BEAUTIFUL LIFE. And it so on to me. I like beautiful clothes, choose brilliant shoes, I want to look pretty, and I want my partner to be smart and handsome. Come on, this is the essential requirement in people's heart so why still believing that people like ugly things?

Pei Suang, stop being so naive...sleep now.Do not think of fairytales. You got to live in the real world.