Friday, January 29, 2010


I should have updated my dearly blog more frequently, I know this, especially during my big day at 18th January, somemore this is the day I turned to adult. Yeah, I know I should have yet I did not...I was too lazy...I was too lazy to type single of words, couple of sentences. I was lazy, always...thus how to become a journalist then?><
This few days, I have been searching some info regarding Cupcake Chic for the assignment of Media Planning. It was so coincidence that my bestie bought me cupcake for my birthday cake then i got this question afterward. Gosh, I think I am addicted with those tiny little cupcakes especially cupcakes under Valentine's theme promotion. They are so that awesome and sweet. How I wish to get such Valentine's Day gift yet the question is when?I have no idea.

For your information, I have tried them once during my bigday. I was not really like them in fact due to the oversweeten of the cupcakes. Nevertheless, as you know, girls like beautiful stuffs. Girls usually care of the surface but not the quality. They are willing to suffer to be looked good. Same in this circumstance, I was addicted with the cupcake, not their taste but their outward appearance. How? I am the typical girl choices for me...^^

Daisy Cupcake & Rosy Cupcake

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Present from Buddha

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Time flies so fast that i deserve to have a golden key which leads my path toward freedom. After today, I am not more a 20-year-old girl but a truly 21 lady. Soon, I can change my IC.

Tomorrow is my birthday, a lovely day which also means a tough day to my mother. Thank you, mum, for bringing me to this world, for giving me birth, for feeding me to this age, for caring me. I might not always be with you but i do taking good care of myself, the life you had given 21 years ago.

This year, 2010 the new year, I have received my first present, from the respectable Buddha. Buddha brought me into his palm, into his care. I could smell his warm and sweet wish, hug and encouragement. I love this present, indeed.

Due to certain elements(something we called it fate i think), I became the facilitator of the Buddhist camp. Well. It is ridiculous, I have not been to a Buddhist camp for years after Standard 5 and now I am the facilitator who played heavy character in a team. Yet, i decided to learn, to jump over the line in order to make myself grow, make myself better.

However, I was regret before going back to Kampar(8/1/10). I kept asking myself: why you are so silly? Why dont you just simply stay at home while others did? Can I skip this time as well? Nevertheless, I did not skip. I insisted to come back because of the word,responsibility. I should not put ah tiong aeroplane since i hate others put me aeroplane.

Then I stayed at a laughly friend's house, Shi Li. She is a really nice, loving, generous, warm people. I knew her when we went to Hai Chao Hui together but we have never kept in touch after all. Now, it is an opportunity for us to gather, to become better friend. She is my first present of 2010. She introduced her friend to me whose name is Hui Na. She is from Accounting so that i guessed she must be coursemate of Winnie, zing and andrew. So, Hui Na was my second birthday present from Shi Li.

The next day, we went to Kwan Yee's house, to gather and to start the camp. Havine futharing there which was conducted by Xiao Zhang, a senior from UM. He is so warm and caring. He made me feel the courage and brave to share my life. A story that i thought I have put down but I did not in fact. I felt the warm teardrop, thou i tried to calm it down. I cried in front of some people who I met for first time. It was so embarassing and I began to think the way I shall face them next time. Yet, soon, I found that my worries are so superficial. I did not feel the sympathy from them but the feeling i got from them is friendly and trustworthy. Then I think, I might be having a new gang of faithful friends in the future.

We shared a happy and unforgettable moment, staying in Kinta Buddhist hous 近打佛学会(sorry that i do not know to spell it in english). Our friendship become harder and deeper after the camp. I have learned a lot. I learned Buddhist teachings. I learned to speak wisely. I learned to communicate well. I learned to work in team. I learned to massage and still not well learned. Also, I made friends there, heart to heart. Thus, the third present i got are the experiences they shared, the knowledge and a bundle of new friends.

We went back to Shi Li's house at 11/01 after the camp.This time, no more awkward but nature. We back to camp the next timebut it was in Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuaty, Taiping this time. I love this place so hard. It is on a hill where the bus could not climb up but we have to walk and change to take jeep. I love its nature. I love the smell of forest. I love the night view of Taiping. I love the star when i stood at Sasanarakkha soil. I love it.

Without admit, it is a tiring camp. We have to take care of the campers, we got to have meeting in the deep silent night when the campers fell in sleep. We have got to do powerpoint until 2am. We must wake up at 6am. It is thoroughly tiring, in term of mental and physical. Yet, I enjoyed it. I like to talk to the campers, to take care of them. I like the feeling of bersatupadu especially when all of us helped to wash the dining room after meals. It is helping in building a friendship.

I like the session of talking to the bhante there, especially Bhante Kumara. The first session, my group met Bhante Agacitta who can only speak english. He looked kind and wise, and i know he is a wise man. My heart was excited when i saw him walking slowly and calm into Sala Hall. This is the first time i participate in this activity. Unfortunately, i was too tired and i felt sleepy when Bhante answering questions. (haha..)Then the second Bhante we met was Bhante Kumara the next day. He is slightly different compared to Bhante Agacitta. Bhante Kumara looks younger, little energertic than Bhante Agacitta and he is handsome actually.(amituofo,sorry for my rudeness) The most important is Bhante Kumara can speak chinese. So this session was conducted in mandarin. I asked him question and i learned from his answer as well. I like this session. It was a hard opportunity to come by for us, rarely or even never. I feel lucky that I am still fortunate enough to meet this chance. Then, i received the advice from Bhante Kumara. I took it as my forth present.
Besides, I have also got a "golden sentence" from Venerable Kai Ken. The sentence is wider heart then the world will be wide. It is so suitable to me. So this is my fifth present of this year.
I came back to Kampar yesterday(16/01). My eight-day-long camp ended at last. It is so hard to leave there and to say good bye to my friends. Though the camp has ended, I know the fate never end. The fate make us meet. It will also make us gather one day. Fate will never leave as it is the sixth present from Buddha, a wholelife present. Thank you Buddha!!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

After a long still night

I have been thinking many this few days in the silent,sleepless night.
The night seems extra dark and deep, particular still yet full of chaos.The horrible loneliness soon covered the world.

I do not want to think,i kept telling my mind:Girl,shut off the mind operation,SLEEP now!!!
However,whenever i told myself this,the more those graphics,images,sentences flew into my brain...loads loads and loads of them, make me stifle until couldnt sleep,dont even want to close my eyes then. I do not want to flashback some bad memory but they kept coming to me continuosly. Nonstop, the images change one following by one another.

Honestly, I dont like myself sometimes. I hate myself why I am not as pretty as Michelle Lee Jia Xin. I hate myself why I dont have a perfect bodyline like Lee Hyori. Why I am not as tall as the models on the stage instead of being a 159cm girl? I hate myself why people dont gain weight although they ate loads but I do even if I just have a cup of plain water.

I give up some eating habits. I give up bread which i love it so much in order to avoid from the carbohydrate. I stop eating rice as it caused people fat. ( I still love sweet stuffs thou,haha...) I went to exercise everyday, cycling and playing badminton, as well as jogging. Well, it is really work for me that i did look throwing out weight. Yet, so what? I just simply putting those weight back when i didnt exercise. Why all those hardworks can be so easily replacable?

Nevertheless, I still confident with myself, used to. I know I am not pretty enough, not slim enough but I think I am still attractive then(hoho). I believe I able to attract people who I like, who like me myself, the truly me, but not the packaging me. And, ridiculously, i thought I found it, not once, but some.

Now, more. I started to losing my own standpoint of view. I know, people in this world like beautiful things. People see beautiful views, buy beautiful stuffs, live in beautiful house. Everyone wants BEAUTIFUL LIFE. And it so on to me. I like beautiful clothes, choose brilliant shoes, I want to look pretty, and I want my partner to be smart and handsome. Come on, this is the essential requirement in people's heart so why still believing that people like ugly things?

Pei Suang, stop being so naive...sleep now.Do not think of fairytales. You got to live in the real world.