My dream

I went to consult Ms Tang, again today. Recently it is quite frequent for me to go visiting her, for my final year project, as well as my internship stuffs.
I went to her is actually to hand her our course structure. She wants to see the subjects we take.
We have an hour chat today, which is fruitful.
Hoho, tell you. My supervisor is not a simple lady. She was the chief editor of Jakarta Sinchew Daily.
Before this, she went to Australia to further her study. She has her internship in Australia, as well as in China for few years.
She is really an amazing and wonderful one. She said that she likes to go oversea, to live, to work.
She shares her life in Jakarta and the media agency from the three different system.

And of course, she does share her opinion towards my ambition, or what I called 'dream'.
She agrees with my dream which I can learn even more if I have my internship oversea. And agrees with my thinking that I want to view Cambodia in the eyes of people living there, but not through a tourist's eyes.
However, she points out some disadvantages which that it is not worth for me to do internship oversea for only four months. She told I must have passed through the process of coping out in a totally new living environment, as well as working environment. Plus, the problem of accommodation is all under uncertainty that I do not know whether the press can provide me hostel or not. To overcome all this drawbacks, it actually costs me quite a lot.
So, is my dream workable?
Is my dream rational?
I am curious.
I starts hesitating with my insist.

只想为梦想

人因梦想而伟大，然而有多少人可以成为这个伟人呢？
这几天，梦想，一直环绕着我。或许毕业在即，也还有在实习将即的情况下
世上的几亿万个人中，多少个人，能够一直坚持自己的梦想
麻雀身边的几百个朋友中，有多少个人，可以循着自己的梦想，渐进
很多人的梦想，总是摆在与现实一起的天称上后，就被活生生地打碎了
梦想碎了，心也碎了
剩下的，只是留在现实社会的一个空壳，一个没有梦想的躯体
前天，在洗碗时，和佛学会一个朋友聊了一小段
虽然简短，但却感动了我

她是读会计学的，麻雀问她会难吗，会辛苦吗。
她说会，没想到还要背那么多，原本以为只是思考数学
进而，麻雀问她既然如此，为什么会选择这个科目？
她说，这是她从小到大的梦想，因此她想坚持
我，嘴停了，心动了
我被她的那简短的谈话所感动
曾几何时，我想当警察，我想当医生，我想当律师
可是我不曾坚持，也不曾多想
麻雀，在她身旁，是多么得卑不可多看
我替她骄傲，替她高兴，也祝福她~

刚才，妈妈打给麻雀了，循我的要求
麻雀告诉了麻妈，麻雀的梦想
没想到，妈妈一口就拒绝了
我。。哭了
妈。。也哭了
两把吸索鼻涕的声音在话筒两端响起
麻雀说了，“我只想追求自己的梦想”
麻雀其实也知道妈妈也有梦想，妈妈的梦想或许就是希望孩子在身旁陪伴着她
妈妈说，就安安稳稳地找份工作，有好的收入，难道不好吗？
我想说，每个人的价值观都不一样，他们想要物质上的满足，我想要的是心里的满足
可，我说不出口，因为觉得自己好自私
可是。。。我真的只想追求自己的梦想
我也不想让妈妈起烦恼，可是我还是想坚持自己的梦想

麻雀想起了，有愿就有力，这句话
这句话，总是在我遇上障碍时就蹦出来
这句话，是祥和Yeah的一个学长赠给我的
或许他不知道这句话对我是那么大的帮助
可是因为有愿就有力，麻雀带领了80个筹委办成了祥和Yeah
因为有愿就有力，麻雀坚持了两个小时的行程，和友人骑着铁马到Lata Kinjang
所以麻雀一直坚信这句静思语，因为有了愿，有了梦想，才让你更有勇气，更充满力量地走下去
这一次的人生之旅，麻雀也要贪婪地抱着这句话，勇敢地走下去
也把大家的祝福与鼓励，一个一个地收进背包，带着他们，跟着我的脚步，随着麻雀的翅膀，努力地往梦想走去~


麻雀，加油！

I want to be strong

I am concerning of my internship stuffs this few days. I wish to reach my dream yet it seems near yet far. It seems reachable yet distant. I do not know what bear inside my mind.
I wish to have my internship in Cambodia Sinchew Daily. Everything ran so smooth that the day when I got to know there is Sinchew Daily branch in Cambodia. The few days after it, I got to know that my supervisor is closely related to my dream. She was the chief editor of Sinchew Daily in Jakarta and she knows some friends who contact with Cambodia branch. How smooth it is, I tell you.
I told her my wish. She gave me some advices and suggestions. She promised me to ask Cambodia branch once I have made my decision.
Yet, things that always annoying me is people are always underestimate on girls' strength. If you went to Cambodia alone, you will get raped. This is a truth happened in Cambodia when a western lady having her backpack travel in Cambodia and she was tricked by a monk who raped her all after that. Why always ladies are the weak character? A friend told me that if I went to Cambodia alone, it is very dangerous. The reason is because you are girl. If boy ah, no problem. Who are interested in a guy?
I did not answer. Safety problem is always not in my consideration when I made decision. I know how to take care of myself, just then people always think I am weak and soft. 
I dislike being over protected by people like a sunflower in the green house. I dislike being doubt of my strength and ability. I just don't like to be sympathy by others that I actually good enough. 
Friends, if you know me, please trust me. And please help me to achieve my aim to be strong. 
I will prove to you, someday, sometime that girls are not weaker.

重返杰安

久违地为杰安“出诊”。。有一个月近两个月没有担当记者的工作了。
这一次要采访的对象是考试部门，内容是考试成绩单的事情。
麻雀还是一样，很是欢喜地去cover，只是这一次，身份有点变了。
麻雀已经不再是以前的Junior，现在已经当了人家的senior。。。senior这个头衔有点重，因为大家学习的都是一样，只是我踏入大学比他们早那么几个月时间。
当然，这一次身为“蛮”资深的杰安记者，麻雀带了学弟采访去了。
只是。。。
原来考试部门并不知道杰安的存在，麻雀想我是第一个铲上这个部门的学生记者。
原本以为很快就会解决了的新闻，在有关单位拒绝麻雀的进一步访问且要求麻雀致信给有关单门最大负责人的情况下，竟然比想象中快得更多。。。=,=

无奈的是，麻雀刚骑着铁马回到东湖，忽地看到学弟提早放学而又赶回去学校，然而结果却是这样。
拖着无可奈何的脚步，麻雀沉重地骑着铁马回家，想着自己怎么那么“衰”
然而，就在麻雀抵达家里的五角基之际，原本炎热如沙漠的天气，竟然下起滴滴大雨
无奈的心情，霎时烟消魂散。原来我才是最幸运的那一个。
另外，一个让麻雀印象深刻的是，我这个学长，还要被学弟嫌，真是的~~~~~

后记：

这时候，发现自己很不想那么快长大。以前总是被senior们guide着，现在却换了角色。我，要毕业了~

与大家共勉之，

时时把每一次当成是一个学习机会

以一颗谦卑的心去学习

诚实面对自己的不足

才是真正的学习

拜佛

这一天，出席了久违的佛学会活动。一个学期断（sem break) + 新年，没有到法悦阁上课了。
成佛之道，这次是第一次上课。之前有想过中途插班，但毕竟在下资质低，唯恐跟不上进度，因此迟迟不敢去。直至这个学期，沾了人家的脸皮，就厚着脸皮，硬着头皮，去上课。虽然前面的内容都没上到，但还是可以听得懂课程，谁叫政纲老师讲得好！


课程开始前，老师让我们拜佛了。记得第一次拜佛，是在去年的辅导员培训营。那一次，第一次体验到那么慢的拜佛方式，当然那时候的麻雀，没有很投入于其。一直想着几时结束。只是越是想着结束，时间就越难熬。接下来，也有几次拜佛的机会，那时候已经习惯这么慢的拜佛，因此也没有再心烦着几时结束。


真正爱上拜佛，是在静修营。第一次觉得拜佛时间，不够长不够慢。第一次觉得拜佛可以那么享受，那么愉悦。细细地观察自己身体的动作，每一个细微的变化。同时观察自己心里。


这一次的拜佛，麻雀找不到那阵子的喜悦。心里，一直不停地在跑，一直跑，越跑脚步越混乱，悦跑就越远。心是那么的乱，那么的不安。麻雀不断尝试着让自己专注于当下，然，心就越抓，跑地越快。这时候，才发现自己多久没有好好关注自己的心了。不知道自己在想什么，生活就这样一直盲目地跑。人家叫我做什么，就做什么。失去了人生的方向。麻雀，你在做什么？


总是盲目地坐在电脑前。盲目地赶着去上课（这几天一直迟到）。这阵子，睡眠质量差了。到了深夜的四点，原本该累得倒床就睡，但我却没有。翻转难眠的长夜陪伴着麻雀，直到要天亮，身体才慢慢进入休息状态，可是天亮也意示着要上课了，谁叫这几天都是八点上课。迟到就盲目地赶着时间。今天甚至翘课了，但却有个好眠~


这几天，过得很累。拜佛时，麻雀才看到了。原来自己那么漫无目的。


也发现到自己一直都忘了自己之前发愿要天天静坐了。


是时候，该从迷茫中醒来了。也该实践自己发的愿！


加油了，麻雀！

Keep the root...

Our former neighbour visited us last night. It is an Indian family. The only way for us, the two families to keep in touch is when the festive season come and we tend to visit each others' house every year. We went to their house during Deepavali and vice versa that they visit us during Chinese New Year even though we have moved out from Taman Andalas where we stayed previously.

Uncle Morgan, the father of the family is a nice old man ( who actually not looking old). He talked a lot to my brother last night, about politic. I hate politic. My hatred towards it can be seen through my selection of minoring Advertising instead of political science. However, I do love to listen political issues as an entertainment.

I feel pleasure too when listening people around me talk about politic. I, sometimes hate myself for being so dislike politic and so unfamiliar with the politic, especially Malaysia's politic, but I can't help. Thus when I know people around me are care of the politic of Malaysia, I am indeed happy for them. At least someone care for the country.

This is same to the conversation between Uncle Morgan and my brother. Uncle Morgan who as an Indian. felt the inequality of the races, in terms of any application from government, power to speak and so on. He was disappointed with the government and also care of the population of Chinese and Indian. He has even encouraged my sister and brother to get marry and give birth in order to increase the population of our root.

However, to the dismay, many people, especially Chinese, refuse to have more kids due to the financial burden and also their own freedom. They feel that their freedom is being tied after having kids.  Some, even do not want to get marry, to pursue their dream.

Many Chinese nowadays refuse to receive Chinese education. One of my Primary school classmate even said that he doesn't want to study Chinese. When every Chinese in our country holds this perception, will there any Chinese school or Chinese based organisation be conducted in our country? Is Chinese New Year will be celebrated in Malaysia anymore? The blood of Chinese is flowing in our body. The mind of Chinese we are having, though being modernized. We should always be proud of being a Chinese, and even be proud of being a Malaysian.

My brother told us that many Chinese intend to move oversea. They said Malaysia does not appreciate genius. However, they will never know how the foreign countries look at whom are moving to their country. Even though they are rich enough to move to their country yet they will only be the second class resident of the country, always.

I wonder, if this circumstance sustains and not get any improved, what will be happened to our Chinese community in the future.

新年快乐！

新年大家来祝福
首相纳吉也祝福
一个大马且加入
国民个个跑无处
更是口水朝其吐
南方人民正受苦
居所面水走无路
然尔不顾他们苦
一味推广大马图
吾该乐其心不毒
否则一粒C4给你哭
拜谢我们命未枯

允吾祝愿诸位好命上路
钱到票来投对路

新年快乐遇好兔

Tech Tech Tech

I am the product which was produced under the technology and information era.
Everything surrounding me are about it.
I use cellphone.
I watch television.
I surf internet to get updated with online news.
I play Facebook the whole day.
I write my feeling into the cold "skinned" digital box.
I interact with friends through the digital box.
This is how I live, with the machine.
We called this modernization, "machinization ".
We called people who do not know how to use the device as outdated.
Even dog nowaday, has Facebook account I tell you. 
So are we still being thrown behind?
And then I met some close friends who love following me to here to there who named radiation.
They want to introduce me to their children who called cancer/disease.


I did a different thing few days ago.
I put my cellphone away.
I did not switch on the digital box.
I put myself into the world of book, the world of paper.
I did not watch television too.
It is relaxing and worriless.
I love that way of living, without machine.


Yet I was helping my mum to bake cookies, using oven the machine.
And that night, I saw miss calls and messages from friends.
I have to settle things using those devices at last.


Sigh... I can never escape from technology....